self-portrait fall session || parque da cidade || porto, portugal

on coming back to your old self.

there are days when it clicks (pun intended). when you feel pretty, when you like your outfit like you haven't in a long time, and you feel this need to just do what you used to do — to go out to the park with a camera and a tripod and a bag of props and allow the place to inspire you. 

it's different, of course. you have more work, you have things on your mind, you have somehow lost the spunk that allowed you to photograph yourself in public without thinking of the prying eyes. the selfie culture (and how shameful it suddenly became) took that away from you. you're in that meadow for twenty minutes and at least three people pass by and comment 'look, she's taking selfies'. 

it used to not bother you, but now it does. still, you force yourself to stay and to continue to feel as powerful and as worthy as you felt when you picked up your things to come here. you press the small button in your hands and smile, laugh, think of happy things. you finally take that scarf you've been meaning to photograph for the past two months, and lay it on your back. you take that faithful dualflex, your prettiest daughter, and pose with it. damn right, you own it. damn right, you're a photographer. 

and for a second, you feel like you used to, five or six years ago, when photography was this huge path ahead of you. when it wasn't a popularity contest, when it wasn't made of cliques and when geography meant nothing. when everything was promising. 

it's a huge, huge comfort, finding out that you can still go back to that place. and that you found the way back to it.